there is a time in ones life where pain exceeds pleasure and the mere longing for change, becomes a necessity. However, despite this perceived essential act of change, there most often are a myriad of reasons to deter ones first step (or second if you include this realization), to move toward the desired outcome or rather the possibility of anything other than the current situation.
Forget all the achievements and growth others may remind, for gratitude has been a daily meditation kept in mind. Yet I do not see what others may, for blinding illusions fall prey to all those who belong to another place and time. Is not success differentiated from eye to eye? What a life made they say, yet somehow all that remains is but a betrayal of this dream; not everything is as it may seem.
in this place I have myself found, I have pondered and dug a many quarry, that too remain, as evidence of such, that to face could not conjure all that I needed to say, but with time, these quarries now revealed through my bleeding fingers and broken brush.
What say I and in such preposterous ways! With flowers for heads and petals of hearts jarred, held by the fading warrior with the King on his lap and raised above his crown, the bird talons grasping around what appears to be our planet earth. But the mask of the warrior, now worn by a fish, swimming toward the figure reclined, yet deliberately with foot upon chest of another, the fight for status and oppression of the same kind (yes this really does happen when we should support and be kind)..anyway this story continues to unfold, just like all of the rest, of these paintings I suppose that have led me to an imminent change...I mean something BIG.
I feel it coming and have my own design in mind, however not all is clear but I trust and will know as to myself revealed, one day at a time. For now I let go of all that I condemned and in these quarries remain the stories perhaps upon viewing, you too shall relate. In these last strokes, after months and years, I once again find pleasure in rediscovering what they say-- oh how this has become somewhat a game! For the answers are there and in my final days before leaving again, laugh as I discover all the questions asked --and sometimes begged, through treacherous years I now know, were never lived in vain. Now I am ready, ready for change.